Why Most Writers Give Up Before They Even Start? (If You Have Been Procrastinating, Read This.)

It's fear.

Not the usual fear of failure.

Nor fear of rejection.

Not that both of these usual suspects aren't paralysing enough.

But there's a way more subtle fear going on. On top of 101 other kinds of fear that any writer, blogger, internet marketer, online business owner might face.

This one is slippery, not so much a snake, but a worm. So small that it goes unnoticed all, or if not most, of the time.

You can't see it. It just leaves traces of its presence through the feeling it gives you.

So what the heck is it?

My room was a mess earlier, and being a perfectionist, I couldn't stand the sight of the books and files and papers and whatever not strewn across the floor.

While packing, I decided to take a photo of Mr. Bookworm (his name is Reed by the way) and post him to Facebook—as you can see in the picture—and I got so caught up with taking a good shot of him.

Then I thought long and hard about what should I write in the post.

All I wanted to was share how cute I thought he was.

 

Then the thoughts ran on...

 

"What should I say?"

"Who cares about what you think?"

"Will anyone like this post?"

"Is this cute enough that people will respond?"

"What if people don't care?"

"What if people don't like this?"

"What if people don't respond?"

"I am making a fool of myself."

 

All the above are just me processing the subtle feelings and raw thoughts that happened about 2 hours ago. And all these questions that I just typed out above, still cannot fully capture what went on in my mind.

 

Over ONE STUPID FACEBOOK POST.

 

Was that the subconscious mind at work? That paralysed me for a few minutes before I could even tap on the "post" button?

Now that I am being mindful, I can say, "WHO CARES?" to all of the questions above. I can even rebut every single question.

But that's not the point.

 

IT’S TOTALLY BESIDE THE POINT.

 

Most people will just tell you to get over it. Heck it. Don't think so much about it. It's just one stupid Facebook post.

 

My point is, until you weed out this deep-seated potent feeling in your heart and that toxic yet soothing voice in your mind like a 0.1mm glass bit stuck on your sole, you will never be able to get started.

 

Not just in writing, but in anything.

You will always find yourself in a situation where you procrastinate. You just can't get started, or even if you do get started, you never complete anything.

There will always be incomplete notebook after another incomplete notebook, filled with random scribblings of half-baked ideas.

 

You will always be jumping from an idea to another.

 

You may have millions of ideas that you think to yourself, "Hey! This one is gonna be the one!" after the previous idea you had maybe a week ago that you thought was the one. And you tell yourself, yeah, I will come back to that one to0. And you say that to almost every idea you have in different ways.

So what the heck is that subtle fear that make most writers give up before they even start?

 

What does that even mean?

Most of the times, we start thinking about how others would receive our work before we even put ourselves out there.

Someone told me, then that’s a fear of judgment.

Afraid how others will look at you, your work. Or what they would say about you, think about you, whatever it is.

That is valid.

But I choose to see that the fear of ridicule is a sub-category of the fear of judgment.

 

The fear of ridicule is the fear of unkind comments that make fun of somebody or something, or anything that would make them look silly.

 

While it does bother me about the possibility of someone leaving me unkind comments, making fun of me and whatever I have to say, or ridicule me in short.

I think what bothers me more is the idea that putting myself and my work out there is way more ridiculous if NO ONE even bothers leaving me comments, be it mean remarks.

At least there’s some feedback, isn’t it?

And I think, I get so caught up with the idea that this is way more ridiculous, that I am writing something that one one even bothers to read nor say anything about it.

I am totally making a fool out of myself.So why should I even bother getting started? Why should I subject myself to that kind of mockery?

I am basically ridiculing myself.

And that to me, is what I am trying to get at about the fear of ridicule.

This moment, I can feel that someone would interject and say, “You’re wrong.” This is on the assumption that someone is even reading this post. Well it’s possible that people don’t leave comments, BUT how can it be that there will be NO ONE reading this?

“Aren’t you someone yourself?”

Well yes, but I don’t write for myself.

889 words later, this is the voila moment.

I may not write for myself, which is why I care so much about what others will think, say or do. But yet in the process of “caring so much”, I am actually caught up with how I feel.

It’s still about me.

So I need to do something about this, if not I will never get started with what I love doing!

My dearest teacher and soul mate taught me this, “Fear” and “Ridicule” are 2 separate things.

So if we’re going to overcome this ridiculous fear of ridicule, we have to address 2 things separately.

 

1. Overcoming fear

Fear. Noun.
The bad feeling that you have when you are in danger, when sth bad might happen, or when a particular thing frightens you.

(Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary)

It’s a feeling. And in this case of a fear of being ridiculed, I am basically afraid that someone makes me look stupid or worst case, no one even bothers which the makes me feel silly like a dumb ass.

 

2. Overcoming ridicule

Ridicule. Noun.
Unkind comments that make fun of sb/sth or make them look silly.

Syn. Mockery

(Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary)

 

As said earlier, it can be bothersome when someone makes fun of us, saying mean things, or make us look like a fool.

But really, I think what also gets to most of us is that WE ARE MAKING A FOOL OF OURSELVES if no one even bothers reading nor even leaving any kind of comments.

I think what bothers me more is the idea that putting myself and my work out there is way more ridiculous if NO ONE even bothers leaving me comments, be it mean remarks.

 

What I learned, is to work with someone who feels the same way. It doesn’t have to be about writing, but someone who feels like if they do something, someone either makes them feel silly, or they feel like they make a fool out of themselves. Or both.

 

Working with someone doesn't mean wallowing in pity together.

 

It should be a constructive meeting where both of you are very clear what your intentions are.

For example:

1. Set an intention: I want to overcome my fear of ridicule.
2. Find someone who wants the same thing & make a plan to help that person overcome their fear of ridicule.
3. Do it:
   1. Meet this person at least 1 hour a week, for at least 6 months. Be committed to overcome your fear of ridicule, be committed to help this person overcome his/her fear of ridicule too!
   2. Meet somewhere neutral, not at each other’s homes preferably or you will get too comfortable and get distracted.
   3. Share with each other your feelings about this fear of ridicule
   4. Discuss your plans to help each other overcome this fear of ridicule together
      1. It could be discussing the project that they have been wanting to undertake but putting it off because of this fear.
      2. Talk about timelines so that every next meeting could be a review of what each other has done for that project as a homework for that week.
      3. Encourage, support and motivate each other!
4. Set an agenda for the next meeting; make every meeting count!

 

While you’re doing this, of course, it doesn’t mean you freeze and not do anything with your writing or blogging.

It’s a nudge out of this fear of ridicule to get started.

As you’re overcoming this fear, perhaps you might want to Start With The Write Motive? Learn How to Set The Right Intention.

 

P.s. You're also welcomed to share your journey with me by leaving me a message on Facebook @ The Write Motive